My mum is infamous for her desire to ‘experiment’ with food. She’s going to kill me for publishing this, but it was just too funny to ignore.
Lemon Meringue Pie
I couldn’t take my eyes off the lemon meringue pie. My mother had laid it in the center of the table. She then sat down with an expectant air.
“I brought cheesecake!” I announced, placing it carefully beside the first dessert. Eight pairs of eyes flicked from one pudding, to the other.
“Cheesecake for me,” my brother was first to break the silence. His request was echoed by his wife, then my sister, her husband, my dad, myself – the gaze finally rested on my boyfriend, Rob.
He swallowed, “lemon meringue please.” A thick slice was cut and set down for him. We were transfixed by the way it wobbled. It just didn’t look…right.
My mum looked up, as an afterthought “I ran out of biscuit- you know, for the base.”
Rob doubtfully tapped the bottom with his fork. A wheeto fell off, rolled across the fine china and bounced onto the floor.
My sister lent forward, “Mum, why is the lemon bit, orange?”
“It bloody well is – why is it orange?”
“I ran out of cornflower,” the admission was almost a sigh.
“What did you use?” I hardly dared to ask.
We watched every slow mouthful that Rob took, fascinated. A lemon meringue pie made from stale wheetos, and custard. “Mum,” I could no longer resist the temptation to ask “did you grate a lemon into the custard?”
“Well, it wouldn’t be a lemon meringue pie without lemon, would it?”
“…was it a waxed lemon?”
We left the house quickly that night. My brother –in-law slapping Rob on the back.
“Well done mate,” he laughed “took one for the team.
I started this story as an exercise, aiming to fit it onto a post card. This meant that it had to deal with a crisis and resolution quickly. I struggled, but I’m happy with the overall outcome. I hope some of the hilarity of my family dinners comes across. God bless substitution of normal ingredients – to things a little out of the ordinary!
Please find below, a picture of my post-card story. Try writing one? Let me know how it goes!