Machines, appliances, and gadgets sometimes feel like they have their own personalities — from quirky cars to dignified food processors. What’s the most “human” machine you own?
This is my response to today’s Daily Prompt However, I cannot remember if I’ve already done a post on this pressing matter. Either way the, printer and I are going to have a falling out. We’re having a break-up really. This is all I have to say.
Dear Printer,
I love it when you’re printing out what is need and everything fine. You do your job, I do mine. Our relationship is in harmony. We’re a team.It’s working. Pages flow out in a continuous stream. But then you decide that you need a clean. That is fine. I’m really okay with it. Everyone needs to have a little tidy every now and again. I’m happy that you feel so confortable that you can take a break, and have a clean. But why printer, why after cleaning, do you print one page and then decide to clean again? How can you print so merrily for so many days, and then suddenly need so many breaks and why do you need so much time off, when it is most important that you work efficiently? Now, I musn’t get to angry, or suspicious that you’re planning this on purpose.
I also struggle to understand why whenever I need a dozen copies for a meeting and you decide to start chewing up paper. Or do your new favourite trick, folding over paper corners and then printing some words on a random slant – on the wrong side of the sheet!
Now, I like to think I’m eco friendly and where possible, I try to make electronic copies and save things to the computer rather than print. But sometimes printer, sometimes I really need to print and I need you to respect that.
I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to threaten you and I want to get past the problems we have. I want to learn how to accept you as you are. But I’m telling you, if you tell me you’re cleaning one more time today- just one more time!
Well then. I’m sorry. But no one will be able to find PARTS of you big enough to work out what you once were.
Your loving Fibi xxx
Or in the words of the great from Red Dwarf:
One more time, and you get *this*. D’you hear?? Don’t think I don’t mean it! One more time, just – one more.
KOCHANSKI
Have you ever listened to those clapped-out old pipes? ‘Nureek’ing and ‘retut’ing, and just when you expect them to ‘nureek’ again, they ‘squrlookal’!
It’s enough to make a perfectly sane person crazy!!!
FionaJeeves 
Amen!!! My printer usually refuses to be found, even though I attach it by two cables to my computer. Then suddenly, all on its own, it consents to be “found”—but never when I most urgently need it. It also refuses to forget commands that have been cancelled—rather frustrating when you have mistakenly commanded it to print out your entire blog with 250 entries and, realizing your mistake, try to counterman that command. As hard as my computer is to connect with, once connected, it NEVER FORGETS!!!! Grrrrrrr. I could certainly have personified my printer if I’d thought of it…But you have done an admirable job, so I leave it to you..Judy
Thank you very much Judy! They do seem to be the most contrary machines, excelling in blinding disobeying orders and willfully just printing what and when they want to! I hope that your printer starts behaving itself and thank you for your support during this difficult time 🙂
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LOVE the Red Dwarf reference! 😀
Oh wow, I remember that episode of Red Dwarf. Wasn’t a fan of Kochanski, but I could empathise as I have a constantly running cistern! Great take on the prompt.
Reblogged this on Exposure and commented:
I love this, because that is exactly what happens to me, and when my brother comes over to print he think it my fault, as if I broke it.
I agree with you whole heartedly!